You remember when you were a child; you hated it whenever your parents cancelled a scheduled vacation. Yes, they had valid reasons. But to a child’s mind, bad news is still bad news.
Bad news these days is a lot worse. What’s more mean than seeing people being blown to pieces by suicide bombers? What does a child think when he sees a four-year old being hostaged and killed in front of a crowd of adults? How can you help your kids handle such bad news?
The key, according to child psychologists is how you break the news. Of course, there are many instances when you don’t even have to tell your child the bad news. If it does not concern him yet and if he can’t do anything about it anyway, what’s the point of scaring your child? For older kids though, chances are they will find out about the bad news from other people, from media and anywhere and everywhere. If this is the case, then what you should aim for is to keep information simple and factual.
1. Refrain from magnifying the bad news by adding a litany of invectives or terribly colorful language. Try to answer the questions in your child’s mind s6 that he will understand the real score. Do not confuse him by avoiding certain issues. If the bad news is tragic, assure him that you are there for him.
2. Watch your body language. Break the news as factually as you can. If you show that you yourself are terribly scared, then the news will be even more terrifying for the child. When you break the bad news to a child, sit down so that you’ll be on the same level. Look into his eyes and hold his hand. You can also have him sit on your lap as you tell him the bad news. This approach is especially advisable for more personal news (like death of relative, or family problems like separation or hospitalization…)
3. Try to divert the child’s attention. If the bad news does not really directly affect him, the faster he gets over it, the better. You can divert his attention from the bad news by giving him something new to focus his attention to. Let us say your child’s bike was stolen. You can get him a new toy that’s just as interesting for him or you can enroll him in a swimming workshop.
4. Let him express his emotion. Tell him that you understand how he feels and that you too felt the same way when you were in the same or similar situation. Some parents scold their sons when the boys cry over a bad news. That is not healthy thing to do. If your child bursts into tears, let him cry as much as he wants to. If he suddenly leaves or locks himself in his room, let him be. Just be sure that he is safe. Assure him that you are ready to listen if he wants to talk about how he feels. You can try to encourage him to talk for it may lighten his grief.
5. Keep the routine. To a child, the normal routine is an assurance that everything’s normal. Let us say you take your kids to the mall on weekends. As much as possible, keep it up even if your sister or father is in the hospital. If you read a story to your child to put him to sleep, do so even if you’ve just lost your job.
6. Share your own experience. Surely, your own life has had its ups and downs. To make a child understand that bad things do happen in life, share some of your own experiences. But emphasize how you coped, how the bad news became a blessing in disguise after a while. That way, your child will have a healthier outlook in life.
When it comes to breaking bad news to kids, remember just one basic rule: it’s not so much what you say but rather how you say it that will affect the child more!
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